#278 – The Family Crest

Thanks to my wife, I got caught between a rock and a hard place last night. She volunteered my services to communicate with her nephew, who’s home from college for spring break. Marcello has informed his parents he wants to quit the fraternity he joined last fall. Believing their boy too much of a loner, his parents feel group participation will benefit him in the long run. They’ve urged his to reconsider, but he’s stubbornly refused their entreaties. That’s where I entered the picture. Sophia told her brother that her nephew respects me and that I’d be happy to sway him toward his parents’ view. Right!

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#295 – Playing Favorites

I remember listening to a discussion on The Bert Show about a mother-in-law who charged an hourly rate to babysit one set of her grandkids, while offering to watch another larger, rowdier group for free. At the time, I couldn’t decide if I agreed with those condemning the woman for such unequal treatment or with those supporting her right to bill as she chose for daycare. I know where I stand now, however, having suffered a similar slap in the face this morning.

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#304 – Wrong Number

I like the old party game, “Telephone.” I think it teaches a lot about human communication, listening skills and psychology. Almost always, the message originally whispered into the first player’s ear becomes mangled beyond recognition by the time it reaches the final participant. And even though the communique in fact may’ve been materially distorted early in the chain, it’s usually the last in line who’s blamed for screwing up the transmission. Having played a round yesterday, I can attest to each of these factors.

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#307 – Murder He Wrote

A chance encounter with a real estate agent this morning helped clear up a mystery that’s been dogging me for months. Up till now, I’ve blamed a deplorable lack of ethics among real estate agents for my in-laws’ purchase of a house down the street from ours. After running into Bill Franks, however, I realize I have only myself to blame for the Gambinos’ proximity.

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#310 – Is This an Orgasm I See Before Me?

Ever since listening to a recent Bert Show piece on accidental public orgasms, I’ve been on the lookout for one. I’ve paid more attention than usual to the females in my orbit, especially on bike trails and at the gym (where some of the callers said they’d experienced such wonders). Yet I couldn’t say for certain that I’d seen any, until today. Now, having achieved my goal at last, a single thought fills my mind: once was more than enough!

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#330 – Thoughts and Prayers

Generally speaking, I’m not an aficionado of religious services. About the only aspect I do appreciate is the segment where individual worshipers ask the entire congregation to send their thoughts and prayers to an ailing loved one. Thanks to one such shout out, my wife and I have experienced a week-long deluge of well wishes from friends and neighbors alike.

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