#39 – Friends

I recently accepted a Facebook “friend” request from another of my old Dungeons & Dragons’ buddies, Sam Waters. After adding him to my small, but growing, roster of friends, I checked out his profile. It was pretty sparse on details, but did feature a photo. Funny how people can look so much different after a mere twenty-five years or so. The picture showed Sam with a fully shaved head (a far cry from the shaggy blond rug I recalled). And judging by the surprising array of muscles depicted, it seemed as though Sam had exchanged his Twinkies for protein bars, somewhere down the line.

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#40 – Emergency

On occasion, I’ve been known to assume the worst in medical situations. Take the condition which resulted in this morning’s trip to the doctor, for example. I’ve been experiencing a bizarre crunching sensation in my ear, for the past several days. Naturally, I reached the only logical conclusion: “tumor.” And since I could already hear the cancer crackling, I figured it must’ve grown beyond the point of removal.

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#50 – Conservation may be King, but the Porcelain Throne is God

My wife and I each have our own peculiarities and compulsions. Mine lead me to conservationism and frugality. Hers … Well, let’s just say, hers do not.
Judging by her actions, I think Sophia’s favorite adjectives must be “clean” and “complete.” She washes the sheets and bath towels twice a week. If she sees a roll of toilet paper two-thirds gone, she removes it. And when her toothpaste tube requires the least bit of folding to squeeze out the contents, into the garbage it goes.

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#52 – It’s all in the Title

Until this morning, I couldn’t understand why my wife has been flashing me odd looks for the past week. Nor could I fathom why she twice asked me whether there’s anything about me I haven’t told her, but should? The response I gave to that question, on both occasions, naturally was “no.” Of course, internally, my immediate thought each time was: There’s a lot I haven’t told you, all of which I plan to take to my grave.

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#53 – A Case of Mistaken Identity

After yesterday’s incident at the mall, I’m beginning to think my neighborhood may no longer be big enough for both us and our neighbors. As it is, we haven’t been on good terms with “Lucrecia” and “Hernando” since the day I inadvertently blabbed my knowledge of Hernando’s cross-dressing fetish. I’m fairly sure now, one couple will need to relocate; else, I’m afraid violence may erupt.

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#57 – I’m Touched

After years employing an old-fashioned Blackberry as my cell phone, I finally broke down and bought a spiffy new iPhone yesterday. I can’t deny it’s an amazing device. And I’m sure I’ll come to love its marvelous and diverse features … once I learn how to use it properly. At present, I’m still getting the hang of the touch screen. The results thus far have admittedly been mixed, as my experimentation with the unit has already subjected me (and others) to some unexpected outcomes.

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#58 – Oh Shiatsu!

My wife loves massages. In theory, I don’t, mainly because I’ve never particularly enjoyed being touched. Nonetheless, when Sophia (for my last birthday) purchased a session at a local Asian massage parlor, I could hardly refuse. She told me she’d sprung for the best package – the “Everything” deal – and insisted I’d love it. A couple of months ago, I finally went.

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