#1 – Why is My Erectile Dysfunction Drug the Same Color as My Cholesterol Medication?

You know the old adage, “shit happens”? Well, it tends to happen to me, a lot; Friday’s fiasco serving as a perfect case in point. I take Crestor for my cholesterol, to keep those arteries unclogged. And beginning last year, I also started taking Levitra … for a somewhat different blood flow issue. Both pills are small, round and pinkish in hue. If one isn’t sufficiently careful, it’s easy to confuse them. I guess I’m not sufficiently careful.

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#9 – One Lucky Bastard

After mournfully boxing up Oedipus’ aquarium and heat rock – all while flashing my best evil eye at Sophia – I sat down to breakfast this morning … only to find that my wife, the (alleged) lizard slayer, had added insult to injury, by drinking the milk I’d intended for my Grape Nuts. The result was an unscheduled trip to the supermarket for yours truly.

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#21 – Lessons Learned

I just filled my quota, and then some, in the “learn something new every day” field. This morning, I finally took the plunge and signed up for Facebook. An amazing tool! Within minutes, I managed to track down one of my high school buddies, Seth Harris. Seth and I played Dungeons & Dragons, in a group of (on the whole) likeminded purveyors of curses and off-color humor – the raunchier and more perverse, the better. He accepted my “friend” request, and I dashed off a suitable greeting to him early this afternoon.

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#22 – Itsy Bitsy Spider

I nearly soiled myself last night, when Sophia – in a note of clear distress – suddenly yelled from the bedroom “Honey, come quick!” Grabbing my phone (in anticipation of an imminent 911 call), I raced to her side, and quickly spotted … nothing: no arterial spray; no bone fragments jutting from exposed flesh; no dog with his little noggin caught in the headboard slats, again; no obvious sign of any disaster. Nonetheless, Sophia latched onto my arm as soon as I entered the room. In near panic, she pointed toward a carpeted spot in the far corner and gasped “Richard, do something about that spider!”

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#27 – No Price for Beauty?

You know those beautifying masks women cover their faces with, for toning, exfoliating, revitalizing, etc.? Those ridiculous, multi-hued pastes, which turn the loveliest of women into exiles from the latest mime festival? The clay-like facial cloaks, which prompt a guy to ask his wife “Didn’t we schedule clown sex for tomorrow night?” Well, in case you weren’t aware, those beautifying products can be expensive, some considerably moreso than others. And as I regrettably discovered, it’s best to know which ones are the costly items, before using them as props for immature practical jokes.

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#37 – A Taste of Her Own Medicine

Even for the most just of causes, the adage “right place, wrong time” can apply. So I discovered last night. What prompted my righteous indignation in the first place, you ask? Nothing less than Sophia’s unilateral decision to install frilly curtains in our home’s inner sanctum, where I watch hockey, football, and every other TV broadcast of manly pursuits I can find.

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