#188 – Time to Move

Last night, my friend Ned gave me the latest update on his mother’s living situation. Due to Mrs. Stilzman’s indecent exposure citation on Halloween, her two sons had convinced her to move to an assisted living community for seniors. She’d joined a certain facility’s geriatric ranks a week ago, and called one or both of her sons every day since to complain about the place. Only after yesterday’s earful, however, did her boys finally agree it’s time for her to find a new abode.

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#197 – Setting the Table

Some may wonder why I haven’t written further about the relationship counseling between me and my mother-in-law. Oh yes, that cash siphoning fiasco continues from week to week. But Sophia has strictly forbidden me from publishing another word on it. As directed, I’ll refrain from commenting on yesterday’s session with “Dr. Freud” and instead will share the story Ron told me this morning.

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#214 – Truth or Dare

I took two calls this morning from people looking for a good divorce lawyer. I might’ve handled one of the cases myself but for three impediments. First, I knew both of the callers. Second, the two of them were married to each other. And third, but certainly not least, I happened to be present at the events leading to their requests for legal representation; and I feared I’d have to testify at their trial.

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#218 – Survey Says

When it comes to women, I’m clueless. I know because my wife says so. Yet as inept as I’ve proven myself with the fair sex, I’ve more than met my match with Stan. He’s a lawyer I know through a local bar association and from the continuing legal education class he teaches. I’ve pegged him as a decent looking, intelligent and articulate guy, with a sense of humor to boot. Add a successful legal practice and it’s hard to believe he’s failed so miserably in the dating world; yet he has.

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#227 – New Beginnings

I’ve tried home-brewed beer on a number of occasions, and I’ve liked some of it. Once I tasted homemade wine and thought it decent enough as well. And thanks to my friend Jimmy, I now can add basement coffee to my testing list. Except, unlike the other beverages, I have no desire whatsoever to repeat this morning’s Arabica bean experience.

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#228 – Winter Wonderland

My friend Ned spent half the afternoon today fielding calls from every neighbor within sight of his backyard. Though the caller differed each time he answered his office phone, the irate diatribes all sounded the same. Each conversation featured variations of the words “pervert,” “obscene,” and “pornographic.” Utterly mystified, Ned left work early to investigate these complaints.

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#229 – Watch Your Spouse, or Else

If I recall correctly, President Carter once admitted to looking on other women with lust and having committed adultery in his heart. I think most would agree that there’s nothing wrong with a married person fantasizing about another, as long as the spouse doesn’t act on those feelings. But the line starts to blur when married people make excuses to interact time and again with the objects of their fantasies. When that happens, mere looking can transform to outright cheating in a heartbeat; just ask my friend Stan.

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#234 – Crashing the Wedding

My wife and I attended a wedding yesterday. Thankfully, it wasn’t a southern-style affair. The reception didn’t take place at a VFW hall, and we didn’t have to bring our own beer. Instead, since the bride and groom hale from the north, they opted for a New York-type gala. I enjoyed the party, but I thought the marriage ceremony even more entertaining.

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