#346 – Fantastic Mr. Fox

My wife uses words like “elaborate” and “unworkable” to describe our media room’s entertainment system. Naturally, I disagree. I think any five-year-old could handle its controls without difficulty. Last night, I even proved the point, but you won’t hear me bragging under the circumstances!

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#347 – Chain of Custody

Yesterday, I caught a firsthand glimpse of “chain of custody” in action. Like many, I’d already learned about the concept from TV crime shows. I’d seen the importance of documenting a trail of evidence from crime scene to lab and all the way to the courtroom. As I witnessed, a proper chain of custody can make all the difference between convicting a perpetrator and allowing a guilty party to go free.

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#348 – From the Mouths of Babes

A recent New Jersey news story discussed parents’ outrage over a standardized test question which asked third graders to write a secret about their lives that’s hard to keep. I think the parents misdirected their ire though. If they shared secrets with their kids, whether intentionally or by accident, then they have only themselves to blame when the proverbial beans get spilled. As I can attest from personal experience – including today’s episode – children find every confidence difficult to keep, if not impossible.

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#350 – $%*& No!

Should the New York Rangers win tomorrow night and force a Game-7 battle against the Devils, I’ll be overjoyed. I’ll still watch the contest on tape though, as I’ve done throughout this playoff round. If there’s any change to my routine, it’ll reside in my source for game recaps. After this morning’s debacle, I certainly won’t seek results from Ned again.

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#351 – Moving On

I received some disappointing news this morning. As my elementary school mentee informed me, our relationship won’t continue next year. I’ve feared such a result ever since last week’s well-intentioned, though unwarranted, call to family services. And while the reason ascribed by Ernie for the change – his mother’s intended relocation – may in fact be unrelated to the misunderstanding caused by my cry of suspected child abuse, I can’t help but see the old “chicken and the egg” at play in this situation.

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#353 – The Juicy Fruit

There are some who handle narcotics well and others who don’t. I, unfortunately, fall within the latter group. Thus, while I remembered to wear underwear and pants upon awakening this morning — thanks to my bathroom mirror note — I did not manage to avoid a second Tussionex-induced embarrassment. But things will be different tomorrow, so my wife assures me!

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#355 – Bigfoots Anonymous

My friend Stan has to be the hairiest individual I’ve ever met. Or, should I say, he used to be the hairiest? Despite a careful examination this morning (bordering on the unseemly, according to him), I failed to locate a single stray follicle anywhere on his manscape. I presumed a woman involved and I was right, as Stan informed me while we dressed.

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