#320 – The Juggernaut

On my way to pick up Ernie for our weekly mentoring session today I passed a hallway lined with his classmates’ school projects. After discussing the assignment with him during our time together, my brain has reached an inescapable conclusion: Forget English, social studies and math. This kid needs a lesson in basic criminology!

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#323 – Downsizing

When defending depositions, a lawyer dreads the witness who doesn’t listen, loves to hear the sound of his own voice and thinks he knows everything. In other words, Billy! I’ve been telling him for weeks he’ll never prevail in his case if he doesn’t concentrate at his upcoming proceeding. Today, I think he finally got the message.

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#325 – What Jesus Would Do

My brother phoned me this morning to announce the end of a long-running conflict with the next door neighbor he calls “Reverend Bill.” Though Bill isn’t actually a man of the cloth, he exhibits the insufferable tendency of answering every question with one of his own: “What would Jesus do?” According to Frank, Jesus apparently does whatever will serve Bill’s best interests.

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#328 – Martian Chronicles

My friend and I were discussing stupid new stories last night. Ned mentioned the tourist who recently mistook a stairway to the Paris subway system for an underground garage ramp. He mocked the misguided driver, calling him “king of the morons.” I, however, refused to cast stones, deeming myself one of the people who live in glass houses.

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