#270 – What’s Lent

I doubt I’d suffer half as many run-ins with my mother-in-law if she’d simply remember I’m Jewish. Problematically, for me, each time she forgets this minor detail, she interprets my failure to follow Catholic tenets as evidence of at least mortal sin and at most satanic possession. This year’s Lent controversy represents only the latest example.

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#272 – Playback’s a Bitch!

I subscribe to the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but I never thought I’d apply it to Simon Cowell. Yet watching American Idol this season, I’ve found myself ruing his absence. That’s why I spliced together some of his best moments from the show … into the recording which has me in hot water with my wife’s family, again.

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#273 – The Forgiven Five

I don’t know the name of the game, but some couples create lists of the five celebrities each is allowed to sleep with in the unlikely event an opportunity arises. I’ve often wondered whether these protected rolls work in practice as promised in concept. After all, some lucky souls, somewhere, sometime, must’ve nailed a person or two they’d designated. Did their significant others actually hand out free passes as theoretically intended? This morning, I learned of at least one situation where the answer to that question was a resounding “no.”

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#275 – An Engagement to End All Engagements

It’s hard for me to choose the more welcomed news I received this afternoon. As much as I jumped for joy upon receiving my disinvite to the upcoming McFarland-Davidson wedding, I nearly peed my pants laughing after learning I’d also been unfriended on Facebook by the bride’s father. Neither result surprises me, however, since the only thing smaller than John McFarland’s sense of humor is his religious tolerance.

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#278 – The Family Crest

Thanks to my wife, I got caught between a rock and a hard place last night. She volunteered my services to communicate with her nephew, who’s home from college for spring break. Marcello has informed his parents he wants to quit the fraternity he joined last fall. Believing their boy too much of a loner, his parents feel group participation will benefit him in the long run. They’ve urged his to reconsider, but he’s stubbornly refused their entreaties. That’s where I entered the picture. Sophia told her brother that her nephew respects me and that I’d be happy to sway him toward his parents’ view. Right!

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#279 – Throwing Her off the Scent

I doubt anyone who’s been married would dispute the importance of trust and respect for a successful relationship. The absence of either greatly increases the odds of divorce, and without both qualities a couple can pretty much kiss their marriage goodbye. When my newest client reported that very situation in his union, I admittedly felt sympathetic … at first.

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