#362 – Tit for Tat

Personally, I don’t think much of people who take
themselves or their jobs too seriously. I prefer those who laugh at their
foibles and appreciate a good joke, even while engaging in their chosen
professions. In my opinion, there’s nothing worse than a person devoid of a
sense of humor, judges included!  I hate dealing
with stick-in-the-mud jurists, and I pity anyone who has to interact with them,
like my brother and his wife, for instance.

During our conversation last night, Frank mentioned
a particularly humorless judge he and Ellen have appeared before.  My brother brought up the New Jersey jurist,
whom he sarcastically referred to as “Judge Yuckety Yuck,” while informing me
that our latest round of “tit for tat” had come to fruition yesterday.  By “tit for tat,” I’m referring of course to
our exchange of gag gifts and practical jokes.

I’ve already discussed the “tit” in the equation –
Frank’s thoughtful delivery of penis headed pens.  I’m still catching shit for letting our
four-year-old niece gnaw a plastic testicle off one of the set last week!

Before my niece got hold of a “Peni Pen,” I’d
already responded to Frank’s gift.  I
sent him a bottle of hand sanitizer.  Not
just any hand sanitizer though.  Nuh uh!  I purchased the one and only “Maybe You
Touched Your Genitals” hand sanitizer!

Much like Frank, I didn’t anticipate real trouble to
result from my joke present.  I simply
figured he’d find it amusing.  But I
guess this wouldn’t be a true tit for tat if my gift didn’t provide him as much
grief as his writing implements caused me.

In Frank’s defense, he took greater care than me to
ensure the gag lotion didn’t fall into the wrong hands, so to speak.  He spent a few minutes laughing admiringly at
the product’s label and then tucked it safely away in a kitchen drawer.

Alas for my brother, he’s since been informed of a
step or two missed in his game plan.  For
instance, he could’ve thrown out the hand gel after having a chuckle.  He also could’ve – and belatedly admits,
probably should’ve – shown the product to his wife, or at least alerted her to
its existence.  Yet he did none of those
things.

As a result of his
failures, the hand sanitizer his wife unwittingly pulled from the kitchen
drawer and popped into her pocketbook yesterday was none other than “Maybe You
Touched Your Genitals.”  Ellen armed
herself with the product before heading to a luncheon date with two other
members of the New Jersey Bar and … Judge Yuckety Yuck.  It was the dour Judge who, after emerging
from the restaurant’s lavatory, complained of an empty soap dispenser and then asked
the fateful question: “Does anyone have some hand sanitizer I can borrow?”









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