#350 – $%*& No!

Should the New York Rangers win tomorrow night and force a Game-7 battle against the Devils, I’ll be overjoyed.  I’ll still watch the contest on tape though, as I’ve done throughout this playoff round.  If there’s any change to my routine, it’ll reside in my source for game recaps.  After this morning’s debacle, I certainly won’t seek results from Ned again.

After the Rangers eked out a Game-7 victory against the Washington Capitals in the last round, I decided my blood pressure couldn’t stand another offensive performance worthy of the Special Olympics.  More to the point, Sophia said she’d divorce me if woke her from a dead sleep one more time while shouting obscenities at the TV set.

For the sake of my marriage and mental health, I opted to modify my viewing habits for this latest playoff round.  I recorded every Rangers game, but I watched only their victories.  Each morning after a contest, I e-mailed my friend Ned and asked if our team won the night before.  If not, I deleted the recording without viewing it. If the Rangers triumphed, I leisurely played back the tape without suffering my usual heartburn.  I admittedly lost some of the drama I would’ve otherwise experienced, but I’d trade drama for less ojida any day.

My friend is an even bigger Rangers fan than I am.  If my wife thinks I take their games too seriously, she should catch Ned in action.  His rants make my outbursts look comatose in comparison!  Yet because he’s so passionate, I guess he can’t resist providing more information about game results than I’ve requested.  In order to preserve a modicum of drama, I’ve merely sought a yes or no answer to my question: “Did the Rangers win last night?”  But Ned’s responding e-mails twice tacked on the final score and twice added details on how and when the Rangers scored goals in their victories.

When I e-mailed him this morning, I specifically requested only a “yes” or “no” regarding last night’s outcome.  I also decided to let someone else read his e-mail for me, just to be extra safe.  Since Sophia left early for work, I walked over to the in-laws’ house and asked my sister-in-law to do the honors.

After opening Ned’s e-mail on my iPhone, I said to Gina: “Do me a favor.  Read this.”

Her eyes bulged as she soaked in his transmission.  Without relating Ned’s message, she shoved the phone in my hand and stormed off, after informing me: “You’re such an asshole, Richard!”

From a “glass half full” perspective, I should commend Ned for at last omitting the final score and game details from his e-mail regarding last night’s loss.  But I think the “glass half empty” view seems more appropriate here, considering that I asked him for a yes or no, and he instead gave me this:

                                    Fuck You!!!!!!!!

                                    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                    !!!!!!!!!Rangers

Naturally, the “Rangers” reference couldn’t be seen on my screen without scrolling down.  Guess who didn’t scroll down.




Portion
which adds “!!!!!!!Rangers” not shown







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