#335 – Murdering Logic

At least for one parent I know, emotion always trumps logic when it comes to her children. I don’t see that approach as productive. What I do see is how disconcerting it feels to be targeted by such passion.

Like many Catholics, my in-laws don’t countenance divorce. Instead, they believe in doing away with an unwanted spouse. Whether owing to their Sicilian roots or otherwise, they seem to think of spousal homicide as a viable, if not entirely acceptable, alternative to a judicial severing of the marital bond. They’ve also watched enough news stories and forensic shows to view offing one’s husband or wife as commonplace in the USA. Even so, the Gambinos’ theoretical acquiescence doesn’t extend to a son-in-law or daughter-in-law who’d dare murder one of their offspring. Emotion would supersede rationality there, and Vito and Maria would clamor for blood!

Arguing logic with my mother-in-law about her daughter makes as much sense as talking to the proverbial brick wall. For instance, during this afternoon’s interminable discussion, she flatly rejected each of three eminently reasonable observations:

1)       Crime scene tape doesn’t always indicate the presence of a crime scene;

2)       Not every crime scene involves a homicide; and

3)       Not every disappearance signals murder. 

Today’s debate with Sophia’s mother never would’ve occurred but for my wife’s annoying pillow habit. The Mrs. obviously can’t stand the sight of a bare couch cushion. To avoid the slightest hint of open space, she’s covered every couch in the house end-to-end with decorative pillows. Her actions have made it impossible to sit without relocating three or four fluffy impediments! Naturally I’ve complained, repeatedly: “If you don’t want anyone to sit on our couches, why don’t you put up ‘no trespassing’ signs or, better yet, treat the cushions like a crime scene, yellow tape and all?!”

This morning, I solidified my protests with a practical demonstration. I removed all the pillows from our living room couch and replaced them with swaths of yellow crime scene tape. As I figured, when Sophia returns from her business trip in two days, she’ll see firsthand how uninviting our home seating has become.

That brings me to another of my wife’s annoying habits. When she travels for business, she gets so caught up in work she often forgets to telephone her family or me to announce her safe arrival. Sometimes, she neglects to call until the following morning! Her current trip has followed suit, since she’s already forgotten to ring me or her parents after reaching her destination hours ago.

I pray this isn’t one of those times where she fails to telephone until tomorrow. If I don’t hear from Sophia soon, I’ll have to lend the throw pillows to her mother, along with a blanket. As matters stand, the old lady plans to camp out on our driveway for as long as it takes the authorities to arrest me … for doing away with her daughter!


One way to discourage people from sitting on your couch!

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