#326 – Life Alert, for Fifty Minus

Boy did I miscalculate the legal services needed by a potential client today. I was off the mark from the getgo too! As soon as the woman with casts encasing her right arm and leg hobbled into my office, I informed her: “I hope I didn’t waste your time; but I don’t do personal injury work.”

“That’s not why I’m here,” she assured me.

When she sat down, more or less, I noticed one of those “Life Alert” pendants hanging from her neck. The sight seemed surreal, since “Carol” looked to be in her forties, and the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” commercials all depict senior citizens.

I commented on the curious adornment: “Forgive me, but aren’t you a bit young for ‘Life Alert’?”

Sighing, she answered: “I suppose I’m a lot younger than their typical client, but as you can see, I may need them!”

“I can see,” I replied. “What happened?”

“One Saturday afternoon more than a month ago, I was changing a light bulb in an upstairs bedroom and fell off the ladder. I crashed into an end table, hit the hardwood floor, and broke my arm and leg. After five hours in agony, I finally crawled to a phone and dialed 911. On the way to the hospital, one of the EMTs mentioned ‘Life Alert.’ He said it works great for seniors who live alone. And even for a younger person like me, it might come in handy under the circumstances.”

“You mean, living alone and all?” I inquired.

“Not exactly,” Carol responded. “After the EMTs loaded me on a stretcher and began carrying me out the door, one of them asked if I had an emergency contact. I said: ‘Yes, my husband or my son.’ When he asked where the two of them could be reached, I told him: ‘On the couch in the basement, where their useless asses have parked in front of the TV all day!”

“Wow!” I exclaimed. “I can see why you’d want to divorce the worthless bastard! Do you even want to bother fighting for custody of your son?”

“What?! I don’t want a divorce. I just need a lawyer to draft a Living Will for me, so if the worst ever happens, the hospital won’t need to wait for my husband to get off his lazy ass and approve pulling the plug!”

A life saver for people of all ages?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *