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My wife and I learned something about ourselves last night. In my case, I could no longer deny my tendency to hear what I want to hear. As Sophia realized, she shouldn’t let her desire for us to spend more quality time together push me into pursuits for which I’m ill-suited … like literature clubs.

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There’s a principle in sports known as “muscle memory.” Athletes practice certain movements until performance occurs without conscious thought. In my experience, the same principle applies to speech as well. I craft responding dialogue for specific professional and personal situations and rehearse the words until they become second nature. I’m then able to seamlessly recite the language upon hearing the applicable trigger. Under the right circumstances, my listeners believe I’m a polished, spontaneous orator. Under the wrong circumstances …? You’ll have to ask those on the receiving end, I suppose, starting with the lady I conversed with this morning.

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Last night, I sought my wife’s opinion on potential female names, for me. “Which do you think suits me best?” I asked: “Rachael; Rebecca; or Rochelle?” Nonplussed, she wondered at my sudden interest in a sex change. I assured her I had no intention of switching sides, yet just in case…

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How’s the old expression go: “Cut off your nose to spite your face?” Although this morning’s news says I may’ve achieved that very result, I can’t say I regret my juvenile behavior. No, I’d say the perverse sense of satisfaction I’ve drawn outweighs my figurative scarring.

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As I learned yesterday afternoon, the principle of buyer’s remorse can also apply to baby names. The mother who met with me said she’s come to regret the moniker she selected for her bundle of joy. Although I couldn’t help her, I certainly agreed with her assessment, and I promised to find another attorney to arrange a legal name change posthaste.

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Not that I needed additional evidence, but today’s mentoring session provided further confirmation of our educational system’s woeful state. And no traditional classroom pursuits were involved in the demonstration either. Rather, the vehicle illustrating the youngsters’ infertile minds was basketball.

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