#279 – Throwing Her off the Scent

I doubt anyone who’s been married would dispute the importance of trust and respect for a successful relationship. The absence of either greatly increases the odds of divorce, and without both qualities, a couple can pretty much kiss their marriage goodbye. When my newest client reported that very situation in his union, I admittedly felt sympathetic, at first.

“Phil” walked into my office this morning, told me he needs a divorce lawyer, and asked: “How can I stay married to someone who thinks I’m a complete idiot?”

“Why do you say she thinks you’re an idiot?” I inquired.

“This!” Phil replied, whereupon he placed three silver vials on my desk and continued: “Before you ask, they’re bottles of cologne from a collection called ‘Alibis.’ One’s ‘my car broke down’; another’s called ‘we were out sailing’; and the last is ‘I was working late.’ A strip club in South Africa makes them to support customers’ excuses to their wives. For instance, if a guy tells his wife he came home late because his car broke down, he wears that cologne and supposedly smells like gas, burnt rubber and grease. Or …”

I couldn’t help but interrupt: “That’s ridiculous! What woman with half a brain would believe a stupid excuse based on the scent of cologne? And what husband’s dumb enough to think this product actually works as advertised? I’ll tell you…”

It was Phil’s turn to cut in: “That’s my point! I’m no moron, and I know cologne with a broken-down car smell isn’t going to fool a doubting wife. But I didn’t buy this stuff! A friend of mine who went to South Africa did, and he gave me the bottles as a joke. When my wife caught sight of ’em, she presumed I’d gotten them to cover up an affair. In her mind, possession alone was reason enough to hire a private investigator so she could confirm her suspicions.”

“I think I understand, except for one detail,” I offered. “Do you want a divorce because your wife thinks you’re stupid or because she doesn’t trust you?”

Phil barely paused before replying: “Technically speaking, neither. The fact of the matter is, I am cheating. And after the private investigator showed my wife some compromising pictures he’d taken, she sued me for divorce!”


For sale by the Mavericks Gentleman’s Club in Cape Town, South Africa. International mail orders accepted.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *