#266 – When Late’s as Good as Never

A piece on The Bert Show this morning had me in stitches, mostly because I so identified with the story. One of the show’s producers raised the question: how long is too long to delay giving a gift? As he explained, he’d forgotten to deliver a wedding present to one of the show’s cohosts, for a wedding that’d taken place almost a year and half earlier. While the no-longer-newlywed sounded content to accept the late offering, I didn’t hear anyone on the “panel” supporting the idea of a wedding present beyond the generally-accepted one-year mark. I personally think time isn’t nearly as important a factor as circumstance; and I’m pretty sure I know whereof I speak.

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#268 – Live From Georgia

I’ve heard of parental controls in the context of television sets and video games, but having no kids of my own, I’ve never had to implement them. I certainly didn’t apply any when I set up my PlayStation 3 system; and their necessity never occurred to me when I connected an Xbox 360 for my five-year-old nephew and activated “Xbox Live.” Undoubtedly, I’ll be blamed for the consequences.

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#270 – What’s Lent

I doubt I’d suffer half as many run-ins with my mother-in-law if she’d simply remember I’m Jewish. Problematically, for me, each time she forgets this minor detail, she interprets my failure to follow Catholic tenets as evidence of at least mortal sin and at most satanic possession. This year’s Lent controversy represents only the latest example.

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#272 – Playback’s a Bitch!

I subscribe to the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but I never thought I’d apply it to Simon Cowell. Yet watching American Idol this season, I’ve found myself ruing his absence. That’s why I spliced together some of his best moments from the show … into the recording which has me in hot water with my wife’s family, again.

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#273 – The Forgiven Five

I don’t know the name of the game, but some couples create lists of the five celebrities each is allowed to sleep with in the unlikely event an opportunity arises. I’ve often wondered whether these protected rolls work in practice as promised in concept. After all, some lucky souls, somewhere, sometime, must’ve nailed a person or two they’d designated. Did their significant others actually hand out free passes as theoretically intended? This morning, I learned of at least one situation where the answer to that question was a resounding “no.”

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#275 – An Engagement to End All Engagements

It’s hard for me to choose the more welcomed news I received this afternoon. As much as I jumped for joy upon receiving my disinvite to the upcoming McFarland-Davidson wedding, I nearly peed my pants laughing after learning I’d also been unfriended on Facebook by the bride’s father. Neither result surprises me, however, since the only thing smaller than John McFarland’s sense of humor is his religious tolerance.

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