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I’ve tried home-brewed beer on a number of occasions, and I’ve liked some of it. Once I tasted homemade wine and thought it decent enough as well. And thanks to my friend Jimmy, I now can add basement coffee to my testing list. Except, unlike the other beverages, I have no desire whatsoever to repeat this morning’s Arabica bean experience.

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My friend Ned spent half the afternoon today fielding calls from every neighbor within sight of his backyard. Though the caller differed each time he answered his office phone, the irate diatribes all sounded the same. Each conversation featured variations of the words “pervert,” “obscene,” and “pornographic.” Utterly mystified, Ned left work early to investigate these complaints.

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If I recall correctly, President Carter once admitted to looking on other women with lust and having committed adultery in his heart. I think most would agree that there’s nothing wrong with a married person fantasizing about another, as long as the spouse doesn’t act on those feelings. But the line starts to blur when married people make excuses to interact time and again with the objects of their fantasies. When that happens, mere looking can transform to outright cheating in a heartbeat; just ask my friend Stan.

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Last night I received another hint why the boy I mentor needs a male influence in his life, even one as questionable as me. Ernie’s teacher had invited me to a recital at the elementary school in place of my normal weekly session with the lad. Not only would he be participating, Ms. McDaniel informed me; Ernie would open the show reading a paragraph he’d written for a homework assignment. He and his classmates had been tasked to write about a problem in the world today, and his piece on the havoc caused by IEDs scored the top mark.

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There’s an old adage: perception is reality. Or to put it another way, while appearances can be deceiving, most people assume they aren’t. I’ve always been a firm believer in the principle. As of this morning, my wife’s become an adherent too.

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Today, I visited my mother-in-law for the first time since she accused me of trafficking with the Devil. I agreed to the date only after Maria promised my wife not to attempt an exorcism the moment I walked through the door. Though the old lady kept her word, after our abbreviated get together I vowed never to talk to her again unless she obtains the hearing aid she obviously needs.

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Last night, I finally made my first video telephone call using the iPhone’s “FaceTime” platform. I chatted with my old friend, Ava. Lucky for me I selected her for my inaugural session, since she clued me in on a critical feature I hadn’t previously known about. I only wish she’d shared this wisdom before I dialed her.

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My wife and I attended a wedding yesterday. Thankfully, it wasn’t a southern-style affair. The reception didn’t take place at a VFW hall, and we didn’t have to bring our own beer. Instead, since the bride and groom hale from the north, they opted for a New York-type gala. I enjoyed the party, but I thought the marriage ceremony even more entertaining.

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Unlike yours truly, my wife is one of those people who resists new technology. While I’m always willing to test out the latest “toy,” she has to be strong-armed into sampling the wonders of the modern world. She waited two years to purchase an mp3 music player, and she still hasn’t turned on our PS3 gaming system despite its presence in our media room for more than a year. Most pertinently, it took months for Sophia to revise her skepticism over 3D movies, even after seeing one!

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