#216 – The Horror of it All

I’ve always known how deeply religious my mother-in-law is. But until now, I’d never realized how superstitious she also can be. Had it not been for the marathon of horror movies she watched last week, I might’ve remained blissfully ignorant. Instead, I can’t show my face at the in-laws’ house once more, and I’m afraid to open my own front door as well.

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#217 – Beaver Damn!

I’ve never performed as miserably taking a deposition as I did today. Then again, I’ve never seen a witness throw me off my game as thoroughly as the deponent did this morning. I arrived at opposing counsel’s office at 9:00 a.m. to depose Tracy Mathers, the plaintiff in a defective workmanship lawsuit against my client, the contractor who’d renovated her home. Though I didn’t recognize the plaintiff by name or appearance, I did think she looked vaguely familiar. The fact was she sported one distinctive feature reminiscent of someone I knew from my younger days.

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#218 – Survey Says

When it comes to women, I’m clueless. I know because my wife says so. Yet as inept as I’ve proven myself with the fair sex, I’ve more than met my match with Stan. He’s a lawyer I know through a local bar association and from the continuing legal education class he teaches. I’ve pegged him as a decent looking, intelligent and articulate guy, with a sense of humor to boot. Add a successful legal practice and it’s hard to believe he’s failed so miserably in the dating world; yet he has.

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#219 – The Cream of the Crop

While I know reality competition shows exist for many fields, the only one I watch is American Idol. I’m always amazed at the vocally challenged individuals laboring under the delusion that they’re God’s gift to singing. Every season, I question why the loved ones of those talentless souls don’t slap them silly and inform them that they are not, and never will be, the next American Idol.

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#221 – Nobody’s Pigeon

What’s in a name? I’d say “a lot,” especially in light of this afternoon’s conversation with Mary Pidgeon. I picked my wife up at her office today for one of our rare lunch dates. While she finished a task, she left me in the care of a co-worker, Mary. Mary knew I practiced law and asked whether I did any matrimonial work. When I answered in the affirmative, she told me her husband had just filed for divorce. Then she asked: “Will it be easy for me to take my maiden name again?”

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#223 – A Weighty Issue

The new client I obtained this morning, “Ralph,” is a twenty-four-year-old, six-foot tall, handsome man with a thick head of coal black hair and a dazzling smile. Of equal significance, he weighs in at a hefty 388 pounds. I mention these attributes because they feature prominently in Ralph’s proposed lawsuit… against his twin brother, “Fred.”

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