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Yesterday, Sophia showed me another letter her father received from our Homeowners’ Association. It seems an unidentified neighbor had complained about “some new architectural elements” installed in Vito’s backyard. The Association’s communiqué informed him – in a not so friendly fashion – that all outdoor improvements to his property were supposed to be approved by the Architectural Design Committee, in advance. As the notice further stated, in the event Vito failed to submit an application for approval within seven days, severe penalties would follow.

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There’s a principle in law called “strict liability.” In layman’s terms, it means sometimes, when shit happens and you’re at the center of it, you get blamed, even if it’s not your fault. The theory can apply outside of court too – at a baby shower for instance.

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My wife has an annoying habit of trespassing in my office. Though there’s a perfectly fine space for her upstairs, she insists on using my first floor room whenever the mood strikes her. Sophia defends her squatting on the grounds of marital privilege, but I fail to see how a ring on my finger grants her the right to traipse into my personal space uninvited and unwelcomed. She makes herself at home there too, lounging in my executive chair, surfing the web on my computer, watching my TV, and paying bills on my desk. At times, she even wanders in merely to sing!

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I called Ron and Tracy’s house this morning to fill them in on my sister’s wedding spectacle. Since no one picked up the phone, I had to leave a message on their answering machine. I tried to anyway. After hearing Ron’s pre-beep greeting, I laughed so hard I could barely get the words out. I didn’t think my friend intended to extend that particular message invite, and I was right (as Ron confirmed when we spoke this afternoon).

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Ned Stilzman called yesterday to thank me for his birthday man thong. As an aside, he informed me of the growing suspicion his five-year-old daughter will become a serial killer. He thinks Jackie enjoys torturing insects and tiny animals, and he fears where those sadistic tendencies may lead.

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As I learned last night, my brother Frank finally got the chance to combine two of his greatest loves: trying cases and quoting old movie lines. He told me the matter he’d just concluded (which he proudly dubbed “The Ten Commandments”) constituted the “pinnacle” of his long career with the Public Defenders’ Office.

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