I ended up sleeping on the couch last night. Not because I’m in hot water with the wife again; nor due to insomnia. Nuh, uh. I retreated to the narrow strip of cushions because there wasn’t enough room for me in our bed … our King-sized bed.
Continue readingI agreed to pay someone else’s exterminating bill today. Under the circumstances, it was the least I could do.
Continue readingLast night, a teacher I know was bemoaning the sad state of our educational system. He complained about students who outright cheat or take massive shortcuts aimed at acing tests without actually learning anything. Though I didn’t disagree, I told him teachers and the system itself are to blame, since they permit the practice to continue. And as I can personally attest, it’s an age-old problem, existing at all levels. I practically perfected the art of the half-assed work ethic during my education, and I got away with it! Just to emphasize the point, I shared a typical example from my college career.
Continue readingYesterday, my wife and I attended a get together in our subdivision. Much to my subsequent regret, two people caught me making fun of my in-laws’ suspected (by me) mafia ties again. The first was my wife, who happened to be standing nearby but out of sight when I told my friend Ron the joke I’d recently made up: “How many Gambinos does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero. Nobody screws with a Gambino and gets away with it, not even a light bulb!”
Continue readingMy wife awoke this morning still frothing at the mouth over her observation last night. I can’t remember ever seeing her so worked up about something in which she normally expresses so little interest – namely, football!
Continue readingI normally would’ve mentored Ernie today. Only, the tyke was out sick. Apparently, after his valiant but failed effort to give me the flu, he caught it himself. Odds are he’ll be out the rest of the week, so no mentoring tale this afternoon. That’s okay, since I’ve got plenty to say about Halloween instead.
Continue readingWhen I spoke to my friend Jimmy this morning, he told me his boss just returned from a week in Vegas. The guy had flown first class, stayed at a suite at one of the fanciest hotels, and wined and dined at the best restaurants, all courtesy of the casino where he gambled. Of course, he’d dropped $30,000 at the tables in return for the five-star treatment. As I informed Jimmy, there was a time when a gambler could get comp’d without losing his shirt. I know, because my dad managed it, for years.
Continue readingToday I feel compelled to discuss the importance of flashlights. When Prometheus ran into the woods last night, again, I sped to the foyer for the flashlight I’d purchased against just that eventuality. But I couldn’t find it. Luckily, this time the puppy returned at my call, before any accident could occur. This morning, my wife informed me that she’d “borrowed” the flashlight and “might’ve” left it in the garage. Boy was I steamed. I said her carelessness had endangered our lives.
Continue readingI feel for my friend, Ned. Last night, he sadly informed me that his mother has to move to an assisted living facility. Though approaching eighty, she’d retained her independence and functioned well until fairly recently. But she’s begun to suffer dementia, and the accidents she’s suffered in the past two months suggest it’s no longer safe for her to live alone. Not only has she locked herself out of the house on three occasions, but she also forgot to turn a stovetop burner off one evening and nearly burned down the place!
Continue readingToday, for the second time I caught hell for something that happened last month. I considered the verbal assault especially unjust because I wasn’t to blame for the misunderstanding in the first place. Be that as it may, my sister-in-law seemed in no mood for excuses when she harangued me for using inappropriate language around her kids.
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