#175 – Open Up

Bob has gone missing and Ellen blames Frank – so my brother reported during our phone call this morning. As I’ve mentioned before, Bob is their parrot. He is, or perhaps now was, a very smart bird; maybe too smart. Ellen may hold Frank responsible, but my brother points to his feathered friend’s impressive brainpower as the primary culprit. More specifically, Frank sees a vast divergence between the mental faculties of Bob and Ellen’s nephew as the principal cause of the disappearance.

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#178 – Game On

My wife hosted her second “lia Sophia” jewelry party last night. Just because I accidentally embarrassed her at the last one by mounting a custom “fathead” of her in curlers and a revitalizing mask on the kitchen wall, she’d given me strict orders to stay away from the shindig. “It’s for women only, anyway,” she added. “And you know what they say, Richard: ‘Out of sight, out of mind!’”

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#179 – Bloody Hell!

I finally got my pesky bleeder taken care of today. My leaky nostril that is. After weeks suffering involuntary bloodlettings, I bit the bullet and asked my doctor to cauterize the defective nasal vessel. I had no choice, however. As my wife proclaimed, my nose and I would have to sleep elsewhere if we didn’t resolve our problem pronto.

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#180 – Beating Around the Bush

The only other time I had a conversation as veiled as today’s, internet porn was the topic and the stakes were my continued employment. Pornography did not figure in this afternoon’s chat, for which I’m grateful. Nonetheless, as before I expected to hear my services would no longer be welcomed. I didn’t though, and for an understandable reason.

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