#146 – Playing With Fire

When I spoke to my friend Jimmy this morning, he told me his boss just returned from a week in Vegas. The guy had flown first class, stayed at a suite at one of the fanciest hotels, and wined and dined at the best restaurants, all courtesy of the casino where he gambled. Of course, he’d dropped $30,000 at the tables in return for the five-star treatment. As I informed Jimmy, there was a time when a gambler could get comp’d without losing his shirt. I know, because my dad managed it, for years.

Continue reading

#147 – Batteries Not Included

Today I feel compelled to discuss the importance of flashlights. When Prometheus ran into the woods last night, again, I sped to the foyer for the flashlight I’d purchased against just that eventuality. But I couldn’t find it. Luckily, this time the puppy returned at my call, before any accident could occur. This morning, my wife informed me that she’d “borrowed” the flashlight and “might’ve” left it in the garage. Boy was I steamed. I said her carelessness had endangered our lives.

Continue reading

#148 – Answering the Bell

I feel for my friend, Ned. Last night, he sadly informed me that his mother has to move to an assisted living facility. Though approaching eighty, she’d retained her independence and functioned well until fairly recently. But she’s begun to suffer dementia, and the accidents she’s suffered in the past two months suggest it’s no longer safe for her to live alone. Not only has she locked herself out of the house on three occasions, but she also forgot to turn a stovetop burner off one evening and nearly burned down the place!

Continue reading

#151 – Who’s at the Door?

I’d like to strangle the asswipe who first added doorbells to commercials. As all dog owners can attest, their pets can’t distinguish a doorbell on TV from one ringing at their own homes. And every time some television delivery man rings a bell, dogs throughout the land undoubtedly behave exactly like ours: barking like hell while romping around maniacally.

Continue reading

#153 – Rockem Sockem Teachers

At last, I’ve found a productive way to spend time with my mentee. I think so anyway, more or less. At minimum, I can bond with Ernie more effectively now. I’ll also be able to give his imagination a more positive outlet than the cheating and lying to which he usually directs it. Even so, I’m not certain the school’s administrators would agree that the potential upsides outweigh the probable downsides.

Continue reading

#154 – Free Living

Thanks to my conversation with a client today, I think a mystery has been solved. Our quarterly pest control took place yesterday, and a new guy performed the service. When I asked him where our regular exterminator was, he simply told me that he’d be our company representative from now on. I had nothing against the fellow, but I’m comfortable with Wendell and I want him back. Yet when I called the company to make my request, a woman ambiguously informed me that Wendell would no longer service our home.

Continue reading