I normally would’ve mentored Ernie today. Only, the tyke was out sick. Apparently, after his valiant but failed effort to give me the flu, he caught it himself. Odds are he’ll be out the rest of the week, so no mentoring tale this afternoon. That’s okay, since I’ve got plenty to say about Halloween instead.
Continue readingWhen I spoke to my friend Jimmy this morning, he told me his boss just returned from a week in Vegas. The guy had flown first class, stayed at a suite at one of the fanciest hotels, and wined and dined at the best restaurants, all courtesy of the casino where he gambled. Of course, he’d dropped $30,000 at the tables in return for the five-star treatment. As I informed Jimmy, there was a time when a gambler could get comp’d without losing his shirt. I know, because my dad managed it, for years.
Continue readingToday I feel compelled to discuss the importance of flashlights. When Prometheus ran into the woods last night, again, I sped to the foyer for the flashlight I’d purchased against just that eventuality. But I couldn’t find it. Luckily, this time the puppy returned at my call, before any accident could occur. This morning, my wife informed me that she’d “borrowed” the flashlight and “might’ve” left it in the garage. Boy was I steamed. I said her carelessness had endangered our lives.
Continue readingI feel for my friend, Ned. Last night, he sadly informed me that his mother has to move to an assisted living facility. Though approaching eighty, she’d retained her independence and functioned well until fairly recently. But she’s begun to suffer dementia, and the accidents she’s suffered in the past two months suggest it’s no longer safe for her to live alone. Not only has she locked herself out of the house on three occasions, but she also forgot to turn a stovetop burner off one evening and nearly burned down the place!
Continue readingToday, for the second time I caught hell for something that happened last month. I considered the verbal assault especially unjust because I wasn’t to blame for the misunderstanding in the first place. Be that as it may, my sister-in-law seemed in no mood for excuses when she harangued me for using inappropriate language around her kids.
Continue readingThanks to the party we attended last night I’m in hot water with the Mrs. again. She’s in an accusing frame of mind, and though I’m innocent of all charges even I admit my explanations seem hard to swallow.
Continue readingI’d like to strangle the asswipe who first added doorbells to commercials. As all dog owners can attest, their pets can’t distinguish a doorbell on TV from one ringing at their own homes. And every time some television delivery man rings a bell, dogs throughout the land undoubtedly behave exactly like ours: barking like hell while romping around maniacally.
Continue readingI ran into my friend Jimmy at the polls this morning. After we cast our votes, he filled me in on the week-long cold shoulder he’s received from his wife. The ridiculous tale had me doubled over with laughter.
Continue readingAt last, I’ve found a productive way to spend time with my mentee. I think so anyway, more or less. At minimum, I can bond with Ernie more effectively now. I’ll also be able to give his imagination a more positive outlet than the cheating and lying to which he usually directs it. Even so, I’m not certain the school’s administrators would agree that the potential upsides outweigh the probable downsides.
Continue readingThanks to my conversation with a client today, I think a mystery has been solved. Our quarterly pest control took place yesterday, and a new guy performed the service. When I asked him where our regular exterminator was, he simply told me that he’d be our company representative from now on. I had nothing against the fellow, but I’m comfortable with Wendell and I want him back. Yet when I called the company to make my request, a woman ambiguously informed me that Wendell would no longer service our home.
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