#126 – The Guns of Navarone

Sophia says her sister-in-law caught her five-year-old son smashing his sister’s American Girl doll to pieces with a rock yesterday. When asked to explain his conduct, Franco proclaimed himself “Thor,” and said he’d killed one of his enemies. Gina fears her son’s bloodthirsty impulses and their dire implications. I told Sophia to let her know all boys like to destroy things: “Just tell Gina about me and ‘The Guns of Navarone’; she’ll feel much better.”

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#127 – The Sale of the Century

I’ve never seen a mother complain about her own kid more than my friend Ava does. Almost every time we talk, she bemoans the failings of her youngest son: he doesn’t listen; he acts out; he goes through her stuff; he doesn’t pay attention in class; he lies; and so forth. Last week, she carped that the twelve-year-old had violated her explicit prohibition against seeing R-rated movies. I responded to the news of this latest outrage the same way I always do; I said: “Why don’t you sell him? I hear the black market for male Caucasian pre-teens is strong this year.”

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#132 – Live Long and Prosper

Except when internally distracted I’m able to ignore the sights and sounds around me while reading. This ability to concentrate comes in handy for lawyering, since I can review documents almost anywhere, including public places. Due to this morning’s incident, however, I’ve decided to cross the hair salon off my list of acceptable reading venues.

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#133 – A Word of Thanks

My nephew, the college senior, called last night to thank me for a piece of advice I gave him several years ago. “Uncle Richard,” he said, “I had my first beer and tequila blackout this weekend. I couldn’t remember shit the next morning, and I’m sure glad I listened when you told me to lose my virginity first and then start drinking heavily! Thanks a lot!”

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