My wife awoke this morning still frothing at the mouth over her observation last night. I can’t remember ever seeing her so worked up about something she normally takes so little interest in – namely, football!
Sophia thinks we haven’t been spending enough quality time together, so she grudgingly agreed to camp out in the media room doing paperwork yesterday, while I watched the pregame shows and multiple games. The usual commercials aired for the NFL’s “official” beer and soft drink, and she apparently noticed. Amazingly, she questioned me about them too: “Richard, are there ‘official’ football products for everything?”
I guess my answer – “Probably; Maybe; How should I know?” – didn’t satisfy her. Last night, she told me she’d spent part of the afternoon searching the internet for other official NFL products and had found a glaring omission.
“Richard; I couldn’t find any official NFL feminine products. The league markets primarily to men, even though there must be a lot of women who love the game too. It’s an outrage!”
I’m sure my patented what are you blathering on about now? look accompanied my response: “True, but you’re not one of those females, so what do you care?”
As Sophia stated last night, and again this morning, her personal interest (or lack thereof) isn’t at issue; rather, nothing less than women’s equality is at stake. And she’s hell bent on rectifying the situation. That’s why she asked me to draft an e-mail to the Tampax company urging it to seek official NFL status for its tampons. God knows why, but I humored her. I drafted an over-the-top request and sent it to her for consideration. Here it is:
Every Sunday, fanatic pro football fans treat themselves to a plethora of “official” NFL products. They fly to their team’s away games on the “official” NFL airline, drink the NFL’s “official” beverages, and consume the NFL’s “official” snack foods. Each weekend, all those rabid admirers figuratively bleed the colors of their favorite teams. But one Sunday per month, some of those fans literally bleed for their teams as well, and the only items standing between them and soiled couches are tampons!
Is there presently an official NFL tampon? No!!! Should there be? Absolutely!!! When “Aunt Flo” calls and female football fanatics everywhere reach for Tampax® products, why shouldn’t they enjoy the NFL’s “official” tampons? Food for thought, yes?
Surprisingly, the Mrs. liked my e-mail. Astonishingly, she told me she sent it to Tampax, and with only one minor revision: she added my name to it!
I wasn’t pleased: “If word gets out I want NFL approval for tampons, I’ll become a viral laughingstock!”
She wasn’t impressed: “Relax, Richard. I doubt the e-mail will go viral. Anyway, look on the bright side. You like free stuff, don’t you? Well, we’ll probably get free tampons from the company, at the least. And if we’re really lucky, they’ll have the NFL logo on the wrappers.”