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If only I took as much care when dressing as I do when preparing my mouth for the dentist. As for every dental checkup, before leaving the house this morning I brushed my teeth, flossed and gargled thoroughly. I knew I was about to pay for the same services, yet the thought of the hygienist pulling anything but ordinary plaque from my molars skeeved me to no end.

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Despite my best intentions, I fear the mentoring gods continue to frown on my sessions with Ernie. I’m sincerely trying to influence the perverted cheater in a positive way, but doing so hasn’t proved easy. Today I suggested a game of chess, figuring the kid’s little grey cells would be so focused on the game’s strategy he wouldn’t have a chance to pull his usual shenanigans.

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“Prometheus” sounds like an awful big name for a little dog who just got his balls removed. I took him to the vet for neutering on Wednesday and picked him up yesterday morning. On the trip out, the unwitting pooch happily wagged his nubbin as we passed his friend, Tootles, playing in his yard. The scene reminded me of the classic “Far Side” cartoon, where a dog mocks his canine pal by telling him: “Ha ha ha, Biff. Guess What? After we go to the drugstore and the post office, I’m going to the vet’s to get tutored.”

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I should’ve paid more attention and asked a few questions this morning, when my wife told me she’d hired a couple of guys to install pine straw. Instead, absorbed as I was in the football pregame show, I only half-listened to her explain how (as the men had assured) the application of a thick coat now, at only $4 per bale, will last a full year before further touch ups become necessary. I also wish I’d done more than grunt when Sophia pronounced herself satisfied with the nearly-completed project, before leaving the house two hours later.

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