#73 – Singing?

My wife has an annoying habit of trespassing in my office. Though there’s a perfectly fine space for her upstairs, she insists on using my first floor room whenever the mood strikes her. Sophia defends her squatting on the grounds of marital privilege, but I fail to see how a ring on my finger grants her the right to traipse into my personal space uninvited and unwelcomed. She makes herself at home there too, lounging in my executive chair, surfing the web on my computer, watching my TV, and paying bills on my desk. At times, she even wanders in merely to sing!

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#74 – Answering the Call

I called Ron and Tracy’s house this morning to fill them in on my sister’s wedding spectacle. Since no one picked up the phone, I had to leave a message on their answering machine. I tried to anyway. After hearing Ron’s pre-beep greeting, I laughed so hard I could barely get the words out. I didn’t think my friend intended to extend that particular message invite, and I was right (as Ron confirmed when we spoke this afternoon).

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#80 – The Gangrene Thumb

My wife’s leaving for a three-day business conference out west. Thankfully, she’s asked her father to tend her plants while she’s away. A sensible move, and not only because Vito Gambino owns the greenest thumb in America (except for his apparent hatred of grass, that is). Sophia doesn’t want a repeat performance of the time I served as floral caretaker.

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#81 – Poster Child

Late last night, my young nephew apparently mistook passing headlights flickering over his bedroom wall for a giant bug intent on eating him. His resulting screams woke up the entire Gambino household, frightening everyone half to death. I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard, since the incident calls to mind a similar situation from my youth.

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#82 – Cardinal Sin

Even after a night’s sleep, I still can’t get over my friend’s blatant violation of football’s cardinal rule. Ava told me about her mortal sin yesterday. Naturally, she expected me to take her side on the issue, as she always does, but I was too outraged to remember my place: “You went onto the field … and complained to the coach … during practice!!!!!?”

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