#63 – A Prickly Situation

School started here in Georgia this week. Though it’s been more than twenty years since I last sat in a classroom, I still managed to get myself in trouble with a teacher. I learned of the hot water I’m in this afternoon, when my irate sister-in-law, Gina, demanded to know why I’d called her kid’s kindergarten teacher a “prick.”

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#67 – Wedding Announcements

I promised I’d report on my sister’s wedding, and now’s as good a time as any. Overall, I can’t complain. The ceremony itself – performed by the groom’s Rabbi – was tasteful, and blessedly short. Noticeably, the couples’ vows (carefully negotiated by the divorce lawyer groom and the private detective bride, or so I heard) were bereft of certain traditional elements. Neither Lisa nor Ed vowed to honor and obey the other, or to remain joined for better or worse. Ed, who’d pushed for the “better or worse” omission, may’ve thought he’d scored a major win; but both my brother and I agreed that the lack of the “honor and obey” from Lisa would end up biting the groom in the ass.

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#69 – Who Needs Designer Luggage? … Us

It’s high time my wife and I bought some new luggage. Apparently, our existing suitcase looks a tad nondescript. Though I can’t be sure the bag’s commonplace appearance caused the misrouting to Cleveland on Saturday, I have no doubt its pedestrian form led to this morning’s error. The piece of luggage I pulled from the Atlanta airport’s carousel – after our flight home – closely resembled our own, so much so that I didn’t discover my mistake until we unpacked. But as soon as Sophia opened the suitcase, our blunder became obvious. We both knew neither of us had loaded a Bible, a Crucifix, or two sets of priestly vestments.

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#71 – Paving the Way

Yesterday, Sophia showed me another letter her father received from our Homeowners’ Association. It seems an unidentified neighbor had complained about “some new architectural elements” installed in Vito’s backyard. The Association’s communiqué informed him – in a not so friendly fashion – that all outdoor improvements to his property were supposed to be approved by the Architectural Design Committee, in advance. As the notice further stated, in the event Vito failed to submit an application for approval within seven days, severe penalties would follow.

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