There are embarrassing moments, and then there are EMBARRASSING moments. God knows, I’ve suffered more of the former than I can count, and nearly enough of the latter to reserve a spot in the witness protection program. And today I added one more to my tally.
The fact that I snore seems a minor discomfiture. Thanks to my wife’s constant complaints, I’ve known about the unwanted habit for some time. Yet frankly, I thought her objections overblown. I’ve generally sympathized with anyone’s inability to sleep at night, but I found it hard to believe I snore like “a Sawmill in overdrive” (to use Sophia’s clichéd analogy). At worst, I figured I’d been responsible for an occasional snort, or perhaps the odd wheeze, but nothing capable of disabling a normal person’s forty winks.
Sophia’s been on me for months to purchase one of those contraptions sold on TV which supposedly rearrange one’s jaws to prevent snoring. Until today, I’ve always responded negatively, demanding proof that my “alleged problem” merited such a remedy, and sarcastically proclaiming how the only object I want in my mouth at bedtime is a nipple.
I no longer believe my wife is exaggerating the severity of my affliction. How can I continue doubting her, after a presumably impartial observer confirmed the problem? Bad enough a complete stranger was the one to inform me I’d been snoring “loud enough to wake the dead.” But what really mortified me were two additional factors: 1) the stranger who shook me awake this morning worked for the State Bar of Georgia; and 2) the setting for my refreshing siesta happened to be the continuing legal education seminar I’d chosen to attend, along with another fifty or so of my peers.