It’s a rare day indeed when Rational Richard and Little Richard agree on anything. This was one of those rare days.
Though I’m a happily married man and wouldn’t dream of cheating on my wife, I do occasionally pause to admire a shapely female figure. That’s what occurred in the parking lot at the bank this morning. I happened to spy from behind flowing blond locks and a compact posterior (sheathed in skin-tight jeans) bending to peer into a vehicle.
The voices inside my head immediately chirped up, offering their divergent opinions on the situation.
Rational Richard – my logical side – began the discussion: “Will you stop staring at that woman’s ass?! For God’s sake, you’re married. Married guys shouldn’t be checking out other women. It’s rude to your wife and it objectifies the female you’re ogling.”
As expected, Little Richard – my penis – held a much different take on the scenario. “Jesus Christ! Why don’t you grow a pair?! We’re not being rude to Sophia or objectifying anyone. We’re only admiring a work of art, exactly as we do at the museum.”
Rational Richard begged to differ and chose to admonish Little Richard directly, leaving me a passive bystander to the argument. “First of all peckerhead, why do you always have to bring Jesus into the picture? You do realize you’re Jewish don’t you? As I recall, you even had a Bris. Second of all, fondling this lady’s butt with our eyes is not the same as art appreciation at a museum. I don’t remember seeing a Picasso titled ‘Check out the Ass on this Babe’ during our last trip to the Guggenheim.”
Just then, the object of our collective attention suddenly straightened and turned in my direction. Little Richard’s intended riposte immediately vanished, as he along with the rest of us took in the sight of the well-groomed beard and mustache adorning the “woman’s” face.
Practically in unison, Rational Richard and Little Richard voiced the obvious: “It’s a dude!” And then the two of them reached one of their rare agreements on an issue. They both advised me to seek immediate psychotherapy, including shock treatments if necessary!
When only extreme psychotherapy will do.