Even for the most just of causes, the adage “right place, wrong time” can apply. So I discovered last night.
What prompted my righteous indignation in the first place you ask? Nothing less than Sophia’s unilateral decision to install frilly curtains in our home’s inner sanctum, where I watch hockey, football and other TV broadcasts of manly pursuits. I discovered her sacrilege last month, when I walked into my cherished media room one night intending to watch a tape of the 1989 Forty Niners’ season. Upon entering the room, two sets of pinkish toile window coverings assaulted my sensibilities. Naturally, I confronted the Mrs. regarding this outrage: “Honey, what have you done to my man-cave!?”
Sophia sounded less than contrite in her reply: “First of all, this isn’t your man-cave. This is our media room. And anyway, as I understand it, man-caves belong in basements while our media room sits comfortably on the second floor. This room has been begging for some tasteful décor. If you give them a chance, I’m sure the curtains will grow on you.”
Me being me, I did not choose to take the high road in response to my wife’s effrontery. Instead, I immediately thought two can play at this game, and set to work devising appropriate retribution. I ultimately settled on “Fatheads.”
You’ve probably seen commercials for Fatheads on TV. They’re life-sized cutouts of sports heroes, team logos and custom creations, all of which are meant to be mounted on walls. As my “tit for tat” response to the media room curtains, I purchased three Fatheads. Two of them featured football legends Joe Montana and Jerry Rice. For the third, I chose a custom model. The company fashioned it from one of my candid photos of Sophia. It depicted her in a bathrobe, with her hair in curlers and face covered by a lime-green revitalizing mask.
Yesterday, I affixed the three Fatheads to the walls in our kitchen and family room, hanging the masterpiece of my wife directly across from the door leading to the garage. The shock she experienced on entering the house proved as great as I’d hoped. But what I hadn’t expected (and frankly had entirely forgotten about) was the gaggle of ladies who shared her surprise … as they crowded into the house behind her for the “lia Sophia” jewelry party she’d scheduled last night.
A lime green revitalizing mask