Well, I did it. This is my 365th daily post: a full-year of the absurdities, misfortunes and random lunacies which seem to define my existence. Although I’ve enjoyed sharing my travails and until quite recently planned to continue the practice indefinitely, it now seems prudent to make this entry the last.<< MORE >>

I’m a connoisseur of classic jokes, especially the dirty ones. I must know nearly a hundred of them, suitable for almost any occasion. Still, I much prefer telling them to living them, as I unfortunately did last night.<< MORE >>

Great News! This morning, the Vet pronounced our dog’s fractured knee fully healed and removed the cast. He said Prometheus could resume all normal activities immediately and promised that there’d be no period of readjustment. Though I trust the man implicitly, I can’t help but view his assurance as overly optimistic, especially in light of this afternoon’s events!<< MORE >>

Personally, I don’t think much of people who take themselves or their jobs too seriously. I prefer those who laugh at their foibles and appreciate a good joke, even while engaging in their chosen professions. In my opinion, there’s nothing worse than a person devoid of a sense of humor, judges included! I hate dealing with stick-in-the-mud jurists, and I pity anyone who has to interact with them, like my brother and his wife, for instance.<< MORE >>

I divide movies into three categories: 1) great films I’ll view over and over; 2) those I’d like to see once; and 3) ones I have no interest in watching. Classics like The Wizard of Oz and The Adventures of Robin Hood, each of which I’ve caught more than twenty times, fall within the first group. As for the much larger second group, my interest in viewing them once depends entirely on my ignorance of their endings. I won’t even start such a film if I know its conclusion in advance. And I’ll take great pains to ensure no one else inadvertently spills the beans to me before I have a chance to see the flick.<< MORE >>

Outside of the courtroom, I don’t usually pay attention to the impression I leave on others. I should though, especially when costumed and in public, since some disguises don’t mesh with certain situations. For instance, it’s never a good idea to visit the airport masquerading as a suicide bomber. Nor should one approach a bank teller while disguised as a cat burglar, ski mask and all. Equally, when dressed as a blind man, a guy probably should avoid any number of activities, in a variety of contexts, lest the wrong conclusions be reached ... like yesterday.<< MORE >>

I consider myself a rank novice in the world of netspeak. Other than “LOL” and handful of others, I don’t recognize the abbreviations commonly used when texting, e-mailing and instant messaging. I don’t pretend to know them either. For example, when I text, I type out my words in their entirety, in a manner I deem befitting for adults beyond college age. Not everyone shares these sensibilities though, including one ninety-year-old who’s near and dear to me.<< MORE >>

Can a price be placed on one's eternal rest? Last night, I found myself pondering that very question. I believe I answered it too. In my case, about $1,600 should do the trick!<< MORE >>

I'm not one to incessantly gnaw the ends of my pens, but I know plenty others who do. I've often wondered how, why and when a person acquires such a revolting habit. Though I've never figured out the "how" and "why," I've seen at least one potent example of the "when." Given the circumstances though, I would've been better off remaining in the dark.<< MORE >>

Some people rub me the wrong way and Phil definitely falls among them. He’s a friend of Jimmy’s I’ve mentioned before. You may recall him as the slovenly guy who ate finger foods at lunch one day, after taking a crap and exiting the men’s room without washing up! As I’ve learned from two subsequent get-togethers, he’s also a cheap, conniving braggart – qualities which really irk me. Yet the third time’s the charm and I don’t expect Phil to brag much more once the wager at our luncheon today plays out. << MORE >>

My friend Stan has to be the hairiest individual I’ve ever met. Or, should I say, he used to be the hairiest? Despite a careful examination this morning (bordering on the unseemly, according to him), I failed to locate a single stray follicle anywhere on his manscape. I presumed a woman involved and I was right, as Stan informed me while we dressed.<< MORE >>

In the course of my legal career, I’ve deposed some hard nuts to crack. But the guy who testified this morning gave me less relevant information than all those other crappy witnesses combined. Then again, he had good reason.<< MORE >>

There are some who handle narcotics well and others who don't. I, unfortunately, fall within the latter group. Thus, while I remembered to wear underwear and pants upon awakening this morning -- thanks to my bathroom mirror note -- I did not manage to avoid a second Tussionex-induced embarrassment. But things will be different tomorrow, so my wife assures me!<< MORE >>

One of my favorite cartoons depicted an idiot getting dressed in the morning, while gazing at a bedside instruction sheet containing the words: “pants first, then shoes.” Contemplating that moron has never failed to crack me up, until today that is, when I found the proverbial shoe on the other foot.<< MORE >>

I received some disappointing news this morning. As my elementary school mentee informed me, our relationship won’t continue next year. I’ve feared such a result ever since last week’s well-intentioned, though unwarranted, call to family services. And while the reason ascribed by Ernie for the change – his mother’s intended relocation – may in fact be unrelated to the misunderstanding caused by my cry of suspected child abuse, I can’t help but see the old “chicken and the egg” at play in this situation.<< MORE >>

Should the New York Rangers win tomorrow night and force a Game-7 battle against the Devils, I’ll be overjoyed. I’ll still watch the contest on tape though, as I’ve done throughout this playoff round. If there’s any change to my routine, it’ll reside in my source for game recaps. After this morning’s debacle, I certainly won’t seek results from Ned again.<< MORE >>

Once more, inane writing and ridiculous plot twists have driven me off a proverbial cliff’s edge. The season finale of Hawaii Five-O proved so dreadfully absurd I’ve vowed never to watch it again. Even so, I probably should’ve kept that opinion to myself.<< MORE >>

A recent New Jersey news story discussed parents’ outrage over a standardized test question which asked third graders to write a secret about their lives that’s hard to keep. I think the parents misdirected their ire though. If they shared secrets with their kids, whether intentionally or by accident, then they have only themselves to blame when the proverbial beans get spilled. As I can attest from personal experience – including today’s episode – children find every confidence difficult to keep, if not impossible.<< MORE >>

Yesterday, I caught a firsthand glimpse of “chain of custody” in action. Like many, I’d already learned about the concept from TV crime shows. I’d seen the importance of documenting a trail of evidence from crime scene to lab and all the way to the courtroom. As I witnessed, a proper chain of custody can make all the difference between convicting a perpetrator and allowing a guilty party to go free.<< MORE >>

My wife uses words like “elaborate” and “unworkable” to describe our media room’s entertainment system. Naturally, I disagree. I think any five-year-old could handle its controls without difficulty. Last night, I even proved the point, but you won’t hear me bragging under the circumstances!<< MORE >>